I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I understand Curling. That high.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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