I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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