U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
