she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
