I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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