My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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