She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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