you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
