I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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