I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
