Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
