think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
