Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
