I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
