You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
