your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
