Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
