he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
