The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
