Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
