So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The Olympian is in my bed
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
