i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
