his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
