We named our party play list daddy issues
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
