My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
