I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
