he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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