I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
