Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
