Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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