yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
