oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
