I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
