If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
