I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
