Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hippo gnu deer
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
