I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
