Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
