You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
