since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
