called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
