but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She's the barista slut.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
