I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
