Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
