apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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