Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize