just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
