The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
