Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
