Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
