was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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