Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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