wanna go halves on a baby?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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