So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
God, I missed his penis.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
