Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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