Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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