She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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