Swine flu. Run for my life!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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