so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
