I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
