i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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