fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
