She said her name was "party"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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