New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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