i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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