quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
