You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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